13 Reasons why you should love zardoz
As listeners of Monster Party must know, I (along with Shawn Sheridan) am a long-time fan of the 1978 John Boorman film Zardoz, starring Sean Connery, Charlotte Rampling and a host of other fine British actors doing excellent work. This film was a follow-up to Boorman’s quintessential backwoods psycho epic, Deliverance, and to say it’s a departure is the understatement of all time. When I was just a lad in the 1970s, I saw the trailer for Zardoz on television and was instantly captivated. What is that flying angry stone head? What is Sean Connery wearing? Why can’t Charlotte Rampling be my first girlfriend? And why won’t my damn parents take me to see this insane movie?
Enter…Grandma!
Although Zardoz’s R rating and daring dress code may have dissuaded my parents from taking me to see this tantalizing oddity, for some strange reason, my grandmother had the paperback novelization of the film—who didn't love Sean Connery back then?—and when I discovered it at a family gathering, it was like Zardoz himself was bestowing his blessings upon me. The cover of the book featured the astounding artwork from the movie poster by Ron Lesser, and in the middle, there were several pages featuring black and white photos from the film. It was a revelation! And, after repeatedly staring at those pics, it was clear that my main mission in life was to see this flick! But, until that day, I would read a bit of that Zardoz book every time I was at Grandma’s house. Page after page, I became more and more mesmerized by this tale of a post-apocalyptic wasteland where masked “Exterminators” hunt down the remaining “Brutal” population, at the behest of the angry flying stone god head named Zardoz. And, to aid them in their holy purpose, Zardoz gives his followers weapons and a warning that “The penis is evil.” So that’s where my grandmother got that from!
And the Exterminators and Brutals are not the only inhabitants of this phallus-hating hellscape. The last remnants of “civilized” society who call themselves Eternals (no connection to the dreadful MCU film, thank Zardoz!) have become immortal and live in a force-field-protected enclosure called the Vortex. Enter the disillusioned and highly intelligent Exterminator, Zed (Connery), who concocts a plan with his pals to hide in the floating head, infiltrate the Vortex, and find out what all this Zardoz malarky is about. And that’s only the beginning!
I eventually got to see the film version of Zardoz in my late teens, and loved it just as much as I expected. The film was original, visually stunning, thought-provoking, well-acted, deftly directed, sexy, and satiric. That’s a lot of checked boxes when it comes to the elements I really enjoy in science fiction film. Yet, despite my fondness of Zardoz, I soon discovered that I was in the minority. Why did the people I considered intelligent connoisseurs of fantastic films fail to appreciate the style and vision of this maligned masterpiece?
So, to put all you Zardoz haters back on the right path, here are 13 great reasons why you should love Zardoz. May they force you to admit that you may not be as hip and cool as you think you are. Here we go!
SEAN CONNERY & THE DIAPER – Let’s start off by tackling the diaper in the room. Zardoz detractors love to paint this daring choice for Sean Connery’s costume in the film as silly. Well first of all, it’s not a diaper, it’s a loin cloth. Zed doesn’t shit and piss in it, and if he did, I could understand some of the resistance. Second, what you need to remember is that Zed is essentially part of a religious order and his clothing reflects the ascetic demands put on him by his god. The Exterminators show Zardoz how much they love him by following orders, freezing their asses off and not complaining, and as a reward, they get a bunch of guns and are allowed to hunt people. But they don’t just wear loincloths. There’s also a bandolier of ammo, knee-high pirate boots, and a wearable Zardoz mask, tinged with blood red accents. Now imagine all that shooting at you on horseback, and you’ve got the stuff of nightmares.
ZARDOZ – The design and execution of the Zardoz floating stone head is nothing short of breathtaking. It’s a simple effect that manages to evoke a feeling of surreal majesty. And the fact that it spews guns and ammo (not the firearms enthusiast magazine) out of its mouth, and shouts, “The gun is good and the penis is evil!” (why the NRA didn’t adopt this slogan, I’ll never know) informs you that you’re about to take a very different sci-fi ride. NOTE: Shawn and I both have massive wall art sculptures of the Zardoz head, and the amazing Jim Moore of Moore Monsters gifted all the Monster Party hosts our own personalized Zardoz ceramic tiki mugs! Go to https://www.etsy.com/shop/MooreMonsters and pick yours up today!
THE WORLD-BUILDING – The daily life of The Brutals versus the one experienced by The Eternals is strikingly different. Zed spends his days in a cold, bleak environment, hunting and raping the populace, and there seems to be little in the way of creature comforts, with the exception of what can be found in the dilapidated old buildings built in the pre-apocalypse past. Meanwhile, the Eternals live a future version of a hippie commune, eating green bread, and keeping each other on their toes with their use of mental telepathy. Their advanced technology is presented as understated, unconventional, and almost like groovy art installations. Many of the Eternals have withdrawn from life and have become “Apathetic,” walking around zombie-like and responding to little, including the sexual overtures of Zed. Spoiler alert, when an Eternal is injured or “killed” his body is repaired/recreated in the Tabernacle. If you transgress one of the laws of the Eternals, years of your physical age are taken from you, eventually leading to spending eternity dementia-ridden, living in a chaotic, unsupervised retirement home. Okay, it may not have the in-your-face cuddly “charm” of Ewok-infested Endor, but I’ll take Zardoz’s world over that teddy bear clusterfuck any day of the week.
THE EFFECTS – As I alluded to when talking about the flying Zardoz head scenes, the SFX in this film are quite basic but incredibly effective. Shying away from optical effects, Boorman used processes ranging from in-camera model work, photographic projections, forced perspective, prism shots, and other practical methods. The result is a fantasy film that possesses a unique and eerie atmosphere that would have been undermined by high tech (for the time) visuals. Something you might want to think about, future filmmakers!
ACTORS VS. CHARACTERS – Sean Connery breaks with his James Bond persona in this strangely charismatic portrayal of the Exterminator, Zed. Although Zed initially comes off as a simple savage, as the film progresses, we gradually see that he’s not quite as dumb as everyone thinks he is. Charlotte Rampling subtly plays Eternals administrator, Consuella, as cold and controlling, clearly in over her head when trying to figure out what to make of Zed. But despite her icy exterior, it’s clear that she struggles with being attracted to him. John Alderton as “Friend,” shines as the rascal of the Eternals, alternating between jester and a jaded, discontented misanthrope. Friend enlists Zed (who he refers to as “monster”) as an unlikely confidante, before he is judged “Renegade” for his subversive behavior. Niall Buggy as Arthur Frayn starts the film by giving us a charming but veiled introduction to what we are about to see, and manages to gain our sympathy as the tortured genius behind the great god, Zardoz. Sara Kestelman plays May, Consuella’s assistant and one of Zed’s few defenders, providing a relaxed sense of matriarchal authority. So yeah, no slouches in the acting category here.
THE PACE AND TONE – Another thing I often hear about Zardoz is that it’s slow and dreary. And yes, if you came to this film looking for the non-stop action-packed doomsday thrills of The Road Warrior or Escape From New York, you have definitely loaded the wrong Blu-ray. Great sci-fi films come in all kinds of different packages, and we should welcome a piece of cinema that attempts to do something different. And Zardoz is anything but slow. It moves along at a brisk pace, consistently unspooling interesting ideas, visual style, and avant-garde charm. Zardoz is a film that is unlike anything else, and in these days of cinematic trope fests (are you listening Project Hail Mary?), you’d think it would be appreciated as a refreshing alternative. Which leads to…
CRITICAL REEVALUATION – These days, Zardoz has developed a bit of a cult following that has even led to some mainstream reappraisal. Geoff Boucher, from the Los Angeles Times, called the film “…a trippy examination of what happens when intellect overpowers humanity and humans taste immortality,” and the Chicago Reader’s Jonathan Rosenbaum even declared it, "John Boorman's most underrated film—an impossibly ambitious and pretentious but also highly inventive, provocative, and visually striking SF adventure with metaphysical trimmings". Continuing in this same vein, Channel 4 called Zardoz, "Boorman's finest film" and a "wonderfully eccentric and visually exciting sci-fi quest" that "deserves reappraisal." Take that Pauline Kael!
THE REVEAL – I don’t think it takes the likes of Sherlock Holmes to figure out that (spoiler alert) the inspiration for Arthur Frayn’s alter ego, Zardoz, is based on The Wizard of Oz. But this disclosure is not, by any means, the culmination of the story. I would say the various themes that are peppered throughout the film (religion, mortality, elder neglect, eugenics, existential angst, population control) are far more important to the narrative than this one reveal. Zardoz is a tapestry of concepts that forms a thoroughly intriguing whole. And the fact that many science fiction film fans dismiss this, frankly makes me sad for this world.
THE MUSIC – The mix of David Munrow’s score (which utilized medieval instruments like notch flutes, medieval bells, and gemshorns) with selections from Beethoven’s 7th Symphony, plays well against the minimalist future of 2293. It also makes the flying Zardoz head ten times creepier.
THE LOCATIONS – Utilizing locations in Ireland, including Luggala Mountain, which was used for the hauntingly desolate wasteland scenes, Boorman gives Zardoz a grounded reality that makes all the craziness more believable.
NUDITY – Although there are copious amounts of nudity in Zardoz, it’s rarely presented as gratuitous or overly sexual, but rather something that is quite matter-of-fact. Case in point, Zed is interrogated by May, while in the background, a dozen naked bodies squirming behind glass provide the décor. But despite Zardoz’s ambivalent approach to nakedness, the film does have a sensuality that simmers just below the surface. Or at the surface, if knee-high boots and loincloths are your thing. And I don’t judge.
THE HUMOR – What always infuriates me is when armchair movie critics vacillate between calling Zardoz self-important and silly. Anyone who has a brain cell left in their skull can see that Zardoz, at its heart, is a satire. And a great one. Now work with me here but could it be possible that maybe the so-called “silly” aspects of the film were actually meant to be so? John Boorman and I are sorry that Zardoz didn’t provide the belly laughs of Happy Gilmore or Happy Gilmore 2. But it is funny. I mean at one point, you get Sean Connery running around in a wedding dress. So c’mon, pull the stick out and give us a smile!
THE ACTION FIGURES – Oh, I forgot, there are no action figures. And somebody needs to remedy that! Mego? NECA? Distinctive Dummies? Ken Daly? SOMEBODY?!!!! And if you don’t include a talking Zardoz head playset, then your penis is evil.
So, there you have it! Your trip to the Vortex is complete. Zardoz now commands you to watch his film again with new eyes. He also thinks you should change your diaper.
